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A Lesson in Texansese

Last night I was fixin some grub. It was gettin late and I was already plum wore out, but I had promised to grill up some steaks for supper so, come hell or high water, I was gonna get it done.

As I was preppin the meat I turned on the idiot box. It was playin' some talk show and there was a woman having a conniption because her boyfriend was trying to get her to fess up that she was carrying some other man's baby. This woman was fit to be tied and started tanning the boyfriend's hide when the host stepped in and tried to tell her there was no need to get all worked up.

Well, that threw her into a real hissy fit and then they had about as much chance as a knat in a hailstorm of calming her down.

Directly, they brought out the results of one of those paternity tests and that woman looked as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. And with good reason because it turned out that baby belonged to some other guy.

At this point she got all choked up and the boyfriend was aggrivated and started threatening to beat her like a rented mule before he finally he lit out. By the time it was all over she looked like she'd been rode hard and put up wet.

Now if you ask me, it's sad because she was cute as a possum but crooked as a dog's hind leg. Anyway, the whole bunch of em were dumb as a box of hammers.